I had posted something before and I don't know if it's okay to post this here but I hope it is. I am so angry right now and just had to get this out. My Loved One’s suicide attempt. Multiple attempts if we are being accurate. I want to start by telling you, I am no stranger to the suicide world and suicide ideation. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and when I became involved with my Loved One (LO.), I knew I had met someone who would/could understand my depression as I understood theirs (to a degree). I also knew that if I continued the relationship there might be a time when we might need to lean on each other (hopefully not at the same time). My previous career also had me working with families of victims of Suicide in the direct aftermath of completed suicide (my company came in and cleaned the scene. I want to apologize for the length of this and please understand that I have had to consolidate 12+ months into a few pages and its barely a drop in the bucket of this story. For All Intents and Purposes (there are 4 main people in this story; plus myself as the storyteller) Below are the abbreviations I am using throughout the story KP = Ketamine Provider (CRNA). *My loved one was their patient* L.O.= Loved One (The Patient) Psych Nurse (Nurse Practitioner – Psychiatric Nurse. *My loved one was their patient* LMHC = (License Mental Health Counselor/Therapist) *My loved one was their patient* The Ketamine Provider owns their independent clinic The Psych Nurse owns their practice and the LMHC is their employee Suicide Attempt One In {~Month, Year~}– my L.O. (L.O.) was given two back-to-back high-dose ketamine infusions from KP (KP) (two days in a row). The decision to give my L.O. two back-to-back infusions was made by the KP and the Psych Nurse. The KP took my L.O. back to their home (KP’s home, not L.O.’s home) and also fed them 4mg of their (KP’s) personal Ativan, to “calm them down”. My L.O. sent a message to their psychiatric nurse (who assisted in scheduling the back-to-back infusions) and pleaded to never be left alone again after a ketamine infusion with their abuser (the KP). The following day a 2nd high-dose ketamine infusion was given to my L.O. along with more (personal) Ativan and afterward dropped off at a relative’s home. This time the they were not taken back to the KP’s home (as previously described “the abuser” from the previous day/evening’s infusion). My L.O. was in a lot of distress after this 2nd high-dose treatment and tried reaching out to the KP but they found their number was blocked from receiving calls/texts. It is assumed they were blocked because my L.O. didn’t want to go home with the KP. My L.O. began reaching out to their psychiatric nurse. But was met by the psychiatric Nurse telling them to stop contacting KP. The more and more my L.O. reached out (via texts and calls) the Psych Nurse told them “you are manic and scaring me”. They were told to “stop calling” (the Psych Nurse) because “they were not going to answer the telephone”. They didn’t want to take a call because “it would wake up their entire home and “my child is sleeping”. Both KP and the Psych Nurse knew they had given my L.O. two high dose back to back infusions and ignored them. Cut them off from help. They were supposed mental health care providers. (It has been learned) My L.O. was having a paradoxical psychosis due to the (2) high-dose ketamine infusions and all of the Ativan that the KP and Psych Nurse had been giving them. The KP was supplying their own prescribed Ativan to my L.O. The Psych nurse had given them a prescription for Ativan a day before. Neither KP or Psych Nurse would answer calls (as stated above), in the midst of the paradoxical psychosis and their providers ignoring them…My L.O. slit their throat open to end their life, sending out final text messages and photos to the psych nurse stating “I hope you and KP are happy for what you have done to me.” This is when the psych nurse decided that my L.O. needed help and 911 was called. EMS and First responders were able to get to & save the life of my L.O. Everyone in the house that evening now has PTSD and became traumatized from this suicide attempt as they are all over 80 years old, because the Psych Nurse and the KP failed their patient. They (KP and Psych Nurse) chose to use more than the average standard dose per mg/kg/hr dose of Ketamine and continue to give Ativan to control the patient. The Psych Nurse has ZERO formal training on Ketamine administration. The KP is a cRNA and was only trained by their former employer, before opening their clinic. The KP has ZERO formal training in psychiatric and mental health matters or therapy to treat patients’ mental health. ****It should be noted that the Day before the 1st Infusion the KP stated in the morning to my L.O. they were going to admit themselves to in-patient care because they were “not well.” It should also be noted that the same evening the Psych Nurse told my L.O. They were going to “Baker Act” the KP, because they were not well. The KP never admitted themselves to an inpatient facility. The Psych Nurse never baker acted the KP. What did happen the following day(s) was the KP and Psych Nurse administered the High Dose Infusions to my loved one. (All of this is documented in text messages) 3 days were spent in a baker act. The psychiatrist at the hospital asked my L.O why they had attempted to take their life. My L.O. told the doctor. They were in a romantic relationship with KP and the KP had been mentally and emotionally abusing them and they were having issues in their relationship because the KP was still actively involved with their abusive spouse. The psychiatrist at the hospital interviewed the KP and the KP lied and stated that they were not in a relationship with the patient. And that my L.O. was confused “it was the anniversary of the breakup of their previous relationship” , and they were having a hard time with it. (This is documented in my L.O.’s health records). It can be proven that the KP was in a relationship with my L.O. and the text messages sent to them before and after the suicide attempt show how “IN LOVE and didn’t want to lose them”. KP was also going to visit my L.O. during visiting hours and cuddling with them in the day room of the facility. AT THIS POINT YOU MIGHT BE THINKING WAIT WHAT? THE KP was in a Relationship with your Loved One, the Patient? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?? HOW DID THAT START? The Grooming of My Loved One My L.O. was referred to the KP by their Psych Nurse provider, stating that ketamine treatments would be beneficial and that they wanted them to see the KP, to help with their treatment-resistant depression. My L.O. stated that during the first 4 months of treatment, they would wake up and the KP was sitting in the room talking to them after their infusions. The Ketamine provider called it “therapy time”. The Ketamine Provider is only a CRNA and in Statutes this is practicing outside of their scope. The Ketamine provider would text message the patient excessively. In the first month alone the provider sent over 500 text messages to the patient. The 2nd month over 1200 text messages which included inappropriate photographs. The KP provider also would talk about their former drug use, current alcohol and partying ways, and body modifications such as piercings. They would also speak about how often they were hit on while they were out at functions and conferences. The provider once gave my L.O. a ride home and while parked outside of a relatives house, disclosed that they were unhappy in their marriage and told them personal things about how bad things were in their marital home. My L.O. still under the influence of the ketamine infusion sat quietly and did not respond. The provider was constantly texting my L.O. and crossed many boundaries at this point, many of the text messages were personal and selfies, and some were inappropriate and sexual of nature. The KP provider even suggested that my L.O to give food poisoning to their new romantic partner; to go through their wallet to confirm their identity and age. One evening after providing a ketamine infusion to my L.O. (after 4 months of text messages and “therapy time” after ketamine treatments ) the KP confessed they had fallen in love with them, and they hated their abusive spouse and would leave them if my L.O. felt the same way. Because they felt that my L.O. had feelings for them. ** Remember For 4 months the KP had been sitting in on every infusion and been slowly grooming and manipulating my L.O.** My L.O. stated they were attracted to the KP. The KP took this as their cue and then undressed my L.O. and proceeded to have sex with them. From here on out the KP laid stakes on my L.O. and this marked the beginning of the relationship between the KP and my L.O.(the patient) The KP mandated the patient break up with their romantic partner, even though the KP was married and had not initiated a divorce. The KP then confessed to the Psych Nurse that they had engaged in sex with the patient and were now in a relationship. The Psych Nurse then reached out to a divorce attorney and assisted in obtaining legal counsel so that the KP could file for divorce and be with my L.O. The Psych Nurse even went as far to blind CC my Loved on the email sent to the divorce attorney. The Psych Nurse then purchased a burner phone so that my L.O. (patient ) and the KP could talk and not be discovered by the KP’s spouse. The KP also mandated that the patient download and use “WhatsApp” to have conversations, to hide from their spouse, and send photos of their genitals, since they could set the messages to disappear after 24 hours. The Psych Nurse did not report the KP for having sexual relations with a patient. The Psych Nurse encourages the relationship. It is believed that the psych nurse also instructed my L.O.’s licensed mental health counselor to not report the relationship. After the relationship was established the KP began even more sick and diabolical actions of imprinting themselves on my L.O. The KP provided free infusions to my L.O. and would engage in intercourse as my L.O. was coming to after an infusion. It is believed that this is part of the reason my L.O. is “trauma bonded” to the KP. The KP would unhook the IV from the pump and engage in sex, while my loved one was still in the recliner. The KP also mandated that my L.O. refrain from taking certain prescription medications to make the sex better for them so they could engage in hours of sex. During the first month (30 days) of the relationship with the KP, my L.O. attempted to break things off due to experiencing mental abuse from KP. The KP would have mental breakdowns and claim they were going to kill themself if they broke up. The KP was still living with their spouse but would often rent hotel rooms so they could have sex. But the majority of sex happened right inside of the clinic on the floor or in the patient chairs, until the KP moved out of their marital home, 45 days after the first sexual encounter with the patient. During the 2nd month of the relationship, it became very apparent the KP was abusive, my L.O. attempted to get out of the relationship because they began to feel that it was detrimental to their health; the gaslighting, manipulation, verbal psychological, and mental abuse were too much for them. The KP again threatened to commit suicide if they broke up. The KP promised to be better and get better “help” and would go get a therapist. The KP then started counseling from my L.Os mental health counselor and began to see the Psych Nurse who was treating my loved one. KP claimed that they could not find anyone else in the very large city they reside in. I believe this was to cover up the relationship, as this relationship was highly illegal and against State statutes to have sex with your mental health patient. The Psych Nurse and the LMHC both covered up this relationship and failed to report it to the Department of Health or State Nursing Board. The Psych Nurse and the LMHC both profited off the patient by billing the insurance company for psycho-therapy sessions from both the KP and my loved one. The Psych Nurse also encouraged the relationship, so it is believed that they did not want to say anything because they did not report the relationship from when they learned about it two months prior. The KP also had the LMHC treat their children as patients as they were having a difficult time dealing with the impending divorce and break up of their family. The KP had begun bringing my L.O. in as a “parental figure” and stated to my L.O. that the children loved them, and they needed them in their lives. They ask about them all the time. My L.O. does not have children of their own and it made them feel as if they finally had the family they always dreamed of. This was again another manipulation tactic of the K.P. Over the course of the entire relationship, every time my L.O. tried or attempted to terminate the intimate personal relationship the KP would have a “mental meltdown” and state they were going to kill themselves. They often made dramatic outbursts and comments of “someone needs to take care of my patients” or would physically hurt themselves in front of my L.O. and children by hitting themselves or laying on the floor and crying clutching bottles of alcohol. The K.P. would also state they would sell the ketamine clinic as it was not worth their life. In the third month of the relationship, the KP tried to smooth things over by taking my L.O. on an all-expenses paid trip to Saint Augustine. While in the shower the KP shoved their finger up the anus of my L.O. My L.O. told them to stop and they didn’t want that and asked “Why would you do that, we have both talked about butt sex and we both said we never wanted that? KP stated said… because “it happened to me and I felt you were safe, I needed to do it to you so I could see if I could get over being anally violated”. The KP sexually assaulted my L.O. to “get over” something they had experienced in the past by another partner. I'm not sure how that works… I’ve been raped before and I have never had to rape someone else to get over it. My L.O. finally broke off the relationship with the KP. But the KP again tried one last attempt to keep the relationship and rope my L.O. back into it, by claiming they were going to kill themselves. The KP even sent “Goodbye” texts to their shared Psychiatric Nurse. The KP didn’t do any harm to themselves. They were just crying wolf like the many times before. After a month of gaining clarity and feeling they had gotten to a safe space, my L.O., decided that they needed to contact the Department of Health and report the KP for having sex with their patient(s). They were afraid that the KP might seek another victim and use Ketamine again to gain control over another patient. Currently, it is unclear if this was an isolated event (relationship/sexual encounter) or if it has happened before. But the threat was still there, and it needed to be reported. What is clear though the provider has had an affair with another KP (their former boss). KP is unethical in many ways. KP did confess to my L.O. that they had copied their former boss’s ( Ketamine provider) patient list (the one they had an affair with) to build their business. My L.O. contacted the Department of Health and reported the provider. In retaliation, KP went to the county court and placed a stalking injunction against my L.O.. stating that my L.O. was stalking them and they were afraid of them. This is the same provider who sent 500+ text messages to the patient in the first month 1200+ in the second month sent inappropriate photographs to their patient, and invited them out on outings to spend time outside of the ketamine clinic. The provider even asked them to come to the Walk-a-ton for suicide awareness last year, so they could spend time together. My L.O. declined as they were going to be spending time with their significant other (the one the KP wanted to give food poisoning to). In the 7 months that the provider knew my L.O., the text conversations (mostly from the provider) totaled over 900 PDF pages (all of which are in my possession). Suicide attempt Two In {~Month, Year~}, everything became too much for my L.O. They had been spiraling since March because of the PTSD of the KP; manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological, emotional, and mental abuse. The false accusation The provider filed in court and with the police. The KP created a trauma bond and groomed my L.O. to fall in love with them all under the influence of Ketamine. Because the KP wanted to be in a relationship with my L.O. (the patient). It must be noted My L.O. paid for these treatments (the first 4 months). They had been giving hundreds and hundreds of dollars in the hope that their mental health could be healed. My L.O. trusted this KP with their mental health. And it almost cost them their life. I still fear that it will. In July my L.O. drove to the parking lot of the KP’s clinic and in the middle of the night and attempted suicide. I had luckily been at my L.O.’s home and noticed my L.O. had left the house and figured out why they left. I was able to call 911 and assist the sheriff’s office in finding them. I don’t even know physical the address of my own doctor’s office. And I was able to recite every address I knew where my L.O. could be. I don’t even live in the same city as my L.O. I live over 3 hours from them and was just visiting and taking care of them because they were having an exceptionally hard time. I prevented my L.O. from ending their life that day. I worry that in the future I might not be so lucky to prevent it. I know the statistics that the likelihood of them retrying is very high. Especially since this was the 2nd attempt. The KP has now been playing the victim. Stating that the patient is a dangerous person. That they are afraid of the patient their former lover/partner – whom they had groomed into the relationship. The scariest part is this provider is still allowed to practice while the Department of Health investigates all of this. I wanted to add a little about me. I spent 11.5 years running a company that cleans up after suicides and homicides. A crime scene clean-up company. I have taken thousands of phone calls from family members after a suicide. Never in a million years had I ever believed that I would be on the opposite side of that phone call. NEVER. I never thought I’d be saying my L.O. attempted suicide, or my L.O. killed themselves. I am no stranger to suicide and those who have experienced it. It is why I am such a huge advocate for mental health. It’s the reason I dropped my entire life and worked remotely in my L.O.’s city to make sure they were okay, so they weren’t alone as they were trying to deal with the PTSD from what they experienced from their ketamine provider. I was trying to help navigate the darkness. Or sit in the dark so they weren’t alone. Because as someone with depression, I know how dark that dark is. My reason for writing this is because of the Ketamine provider I speak of. Is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The KP has befriended a person on the Board of Directors for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention who is also an Investigator at the Department of Health (in which this event occurred). The KP has donated $1000 to the AFSP for the suicide awareness walk that will be hosted in the city. I find it fascinating they have collected a donation of $1000.00 from this KP for the Suicide awareness walk a ton. Is this HUSH HUSH MONEY ?? Is this cover-up money? Is the donation to get insider information on their case? Or to have the case altered in their favor? I am so sick to my stomach. At the thought of this or that the provider is allowed to be a sponsor.(granted they don't know the story.... well actually I have sent an email to their public relations department this morning) The audacity that the KP even has to make the community feel like they care about Suicide Awareness when they are the ones that caused someone to attempt suicide multiple times because they wanted to be in a relationship with their PATIENT. A mental HEALTH PATIENT. People do not seek Ketamine treatments because they are well. The Ketamine provider learned everything about my Loved One while they were under the influence of ketamine, they made my loved one feel they were a safe provider and then they sucked my loved one into an adulterous relationship, left their spouse, broke up their family and abused my loved one; psychologically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally. So much so that my loved ones tried to kill themselves. On the second attempt my loved one tried to kill themselves in the parking lot of the ketamine clinic in hopes it would bring media attention. I have been so angry that this Ketamine Provider is making a mockery of SUICIDE AWARENESS when they are such a sick and vile hazard to the community. I also find it disgusting that the KP uses SUICIDAL THREATS to keep control of people in their lives, as a crutch to manipulate people and keep them in their life. We have been very private about this situation as it is embarrassing to know our loved one was sexually assaulted by a practitioner. It has been a lot to digest to know that someone suffering from mental illness (depression and PTSD) has been sexually taken advantage of and all 3 of the people (ketamine provider, Psych Nurse & LMHC) were supposed to be helping our loved one…. Were the ones that almost cost us their life. And we would all be grieving for the rest of ours. I felt like I needed to speak out. I am at a loss as to why the Department of Health is moving so slowly. I feel like I need to contact a new station or something and this needs to go public Nationwide so that people are aware of this predatory behavior. My Loved One is not well. This has exacerbated their PTSD/CTPSD and we are getting them help but its been a very long road and they are tired. So very tired. This has been a setback on so many levels. The story gets worse....there are even more evil things that have happened but this is all I care to share for now. I feel like we have been living in a Netflix Docuseries for the last year. My mental health has taken a toll. But I can tell you that my Ketamine Provider in my city has been nothing but wonderful and my experience with Ketmaine saved my life. My heart hurts that my loved ones' Ketamine provider and ketamine almost cost them their life.